[49]

Yesterday I wrote 1.25 A4-sized page worth of words. It turns out that I forgot how cathartic writing can be.

As it is, life is a chaotic mess right now.
And I'm currently not a big fan of people in general.

I don't know what I'm doing, and every other day I think about shooting myself in the head/jumping off a building.
I need to think of new ways to die. Those are getting old.

Great, I've just broken my mid-sem resolution to be less whiny.

What a piece of random rubbish.

[48]

I cannot tell you how much I hate being screwed over.
And when you're being screwed over by more than one group of people, it's double/triple/quadruple the feeling of I-want-to-strangle-someone-NOW.

I'm being a whiny bitch, but whatever.

[47]

I haven't blogged for... gosh, 5 weeks.
It's been a crazy month, but now I'll catch up on the blogging. Not that a lot of people actually read this, hahah.

The Game of Life party was pretty fun. It was just nice to sit there and play stupid games in a comfortable ambience. In other words, with people you know so well that it's okay to be dumb in front of them. It'd have been more fun if I was less woozy from tiredness.

GoL is interesting but it can get a tad boring, since it doesn't exactly require players to do much thinking. Spin the wheel, move your car, follow instructions on the cards. That's about it.
I'll never forget the "Dean's list" though. Double meaning hahahah. And yeah, not many people get it. I actually got people asking me "HUH you're really on the dean's list?!". Hilarious.

The altoes met up for dinner/catch-up... twice in a week. Amazing that most of us were there despite the insane schedules of tests/projects/presentations/work/whatever. Seven out of eight is pretty good, regardless of how annoyed Yan is that not all eight were present. Hahah.

Playing the Singaporean version of Taboo was really funny too. The photos and the quotes are somewhere on Facebook but I'm too lazy to copy-and-paste them here.

I had thrice the birthday celebrations this year, though I didn't celebrate it at home. (The benefits of having many CCAs, hurhur.) All in all I blew out 41 years' worth of candles.
Thank you altos, for the ice-cream cupcakes and especially the laughter during all our gatherings.
Thank you FOPCC, for the (not-very-good) attempt at doing a surprise birthday thing.
Thank you alumni choir, for the surprise birthday brownie.
And of course, my lovely OG mates (Sarah/Huiling/Johan/Weekeat/Stanley) for the food-presents.
Oh, and all the other friends who wished me a happy birthday.

Strangely enough, despite all the chocolate cakes, ice-cream, doughnuts, bubble tea, cookies, brownies, and more, I lost 3 kg. (I haven't gotten it back; can't decide whether to rejoice or not.)

I'm actually glad to turn 20. It's pretty much an in-between age: no longer a teenager, not yet an adult. Adulthood might not be fun, but I think I'll like it better than being a kid, 'cause people will listen you just because of your age.
So yeah, I'm not fazed by the big two-oh.

All the boring bits shall be skipped. On to the mid-sem break.
It shouldn't come as a surprise that my break was packed. Committee meeting-project meeting-rehearsal-project meeting-committee meeting-tuition-piano lesson-oh guess what, the break is over. Sigh.

I like my project groups, so that makes the project meetings easier. Plus, both of my project groups are really efficient. I LIKE. A LOT. We can finish meetings in one hour or less. Hahah.

Pearl, Germ, and I went to One Fullerton's Coffee Bean to sit-slack-study. It was super relaxing, so much so that I fell asleep while trying to finish start my readings.

Hooray for friends with at least 5 years' of history, for friends with whom you can do anything and not be judged, for friends who can read your mind, for friends with whom sitting-and-stoning is a worthwhile activity and not a complete waste of time.

I'm done with the past month.
The present ain't that pretty because...

It's been an unlucky weekend.
First I keep (accidentally) kicking my ankle with the really hard base of my sandals. Then I broke a plate last night and cut my foot. (The plate smashed and this shard bounced off the floor onto my foot. Ouch.) And today, my calculator conked out in the middle of my test even though it was fine yesterday.

Gosh, and it's not even Friday the 13th yet.

[46]

My life is descending into chaos once again.

My head hurts, I have a lot of things to do (not all of which are totally under my control), and I just really want to get away from these for a little while.

Which is why I'm looking forward to the Game of Life party with Pearl and Germ. It's pretty much the only thing worth looking forward to for this week.

This week and the next are a mess of events and activities, all in rapid succession.
No lunch break, no dinner break, no I-need-a-rest break.
I haven't slept much for the past week, and whatever decreased amounts of sleep I got, I was in a nightmare. Think the lack of sleep, on top of non-stop stuff, is making me grouchy.

[45]

I hate waking up from a nightmare. I especially hate the crappy feeling I get when I'm halfway between dreaming and waking up because of the whole I'm-awake-but-freaked-out-by-the-freaky-things-in-the-nightmare thing.

And I've been having many ridiculous nightmares. Some scary, some weird, some exam-related, some school-related, all freaking-out-related. Think a pattern is emerging.

That said, I'm really happy that rehearsals are starting again. About one month of not singing/seeing the same people every week and I've forgotten how much of a joy it is to spend time with these people doing something we all love.

Busy busy busy once more!

[44]

I'm in the Science library.
I'm alone.
I'm having my lunchbreak.
I'm bored.

The Essential Disney Love Song Collection
Treasures by Richard Clayderman

These two albums caught my eye while I was reading the email that Popular bookstore sent me.
Never mind that I don't really listen to CDs now, hahah. They're worth checking out still.

I'm babbling 'cause I'm really really bored. Grrr.
No desire to mug either.

Anyway I was doing Yahoo! crosswords with Fadz during my morning lecture. I learnt that Tampines is actually the name of a plant, and that 'meh' is the new word associated with boredom.

See. Not listening doesn't equate to not learning.

[43]

Happy CNY!

This year I got sick of walking around visiting people and of all the sweet food after one day.
Actually, I'm sick of eating too. Three reunion-dinner-ish meals with a lot a lot a lot a lot of food is way too much food for my eyes and brain to digest.

No more red dress this year either. Currently, my favourite thing about CNY is the longish weekend.

Unfortunately it's cut a tad shorter by certain stuff which I need to do. In other words, I need to return to school to do some... stuff.

Oh well.

[42]

I am going to turn into a season 1 finale Peter Petrelli if I don't get this out of my system.
Actually, even if I get this out of my system, I can't promise that I won't become a s1fPP.

Some systems are really dumb. Some people do things in really dumb ways. Some people think up really dumb ideas.

Some dumb things I really, really, REALLY disagree with. (But cannot do anything about. Which explains why I'm ranting.)

The crux of the problem is, there's a communication problem. Stuff never gets finalized. Settled details always change by the next meeting. Stuff are only started way close to the deadline.

I can't say that I can do a better job, but when it... okay I probably shouldn't say more.

Maybe I should do something about this situation.

[41]

The days seem to pass slower... and sloooower... and slooooooooooooower.
Seriously.

Everytime it feels like Thursday, I look at the calendar and realize it's only Tuesday. I swear, it's not because I keep hoping the weekend will arrive sooner.

My hypothesis is that because of the (kinda) immense workload, it feels like I've done many days' worth of stuff when only one day has passed. (Efficient huh!)

Or it could be because school's really boring and time crawls by.

Either way, one more day to my long, long CNY weekend.

[40]

Ever heard of this song?

Que Sera, Sera

When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother, "What will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?"
Here's what she said to me.

"Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que Sera, Sera.
What will be, will be."

When I was just a kid in school,
I asked my teacher, "What will I be?
Will I be teaching? Will I be rich?"
Here's what she said to me.

"Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que Sera, Sera.
What will be, will be."

The kid, the mom, and the teacher all have strange mentalities.

The kid seems to be obsessed with being pretty and rich. Did no one ever tell her that beauty is skin-deep, and that she should care more about her exam results than how she looks?
Okay, maybe looks will get her places. If she wants to be a model or an artiste. But she wants to be a teacher! So she what, intends to charm the students into listening to her with her beauty? Or perhaps looking pretty will make her students pay attention, especially the male students.

And the two adults sound so typically submissive. "Whatever will be, will be"? What happened to taking things into our own hands? What happened to working hard to get what you want?

'Tis a screwed-up world.

Okay, I'm just ranting rubbish. Don't mind me. Hahah.

[39]

Semester 2 has started.
I've completely lost the ability to wake up early. Thank goodness I have no lectures at 0800h.
Unfortunately, most of my days end at 1800h. I.e. peak hour, which means shoving and pushing and trying to get on the bus so that I can have dinner before I starve.

Not all my modules are first-choice ones for me, but I think they'll be fun. Especially the one titled "Are we alone?". Hahah. Science fiction and all stuff related is love.

This spider keeps crawling onto my laptop. Strange.

Time to mugmugmugmugmug again.

[38]

My brother introduced me to this website, and I found some cute stuff there.

"A stranger stabs you in the front.
A friend stabs you in the back.
A boyfriend stabs you in the heart,
But best friends just poke each other with straws."
-Meghan Sherwood

"Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions."

"What is the difference between facebooked and bookfaced?
Those who are bookfaced are not on Facebook."
-Oleg Vishnepolsky

"People have the right to be stupid. Some people abuse that privilege."

"I'm never wrong. I once thought I was wrong. Turns out, I was mistaken."

"No one will win the battle of the sexes; there's too much flirting with the enemy."
-Henry Kissinger

"Forgive your enemies, but never, never forget their names."
-John F. Kennedy

[37]

What the alumni choir does after a very very filling barbecue dinner with a lot of meat. (You have to admit, it's a pretty picture.)


Altos '07: Reunion dinner on 02012009, sadly missing Andrea.

What a feast. Sid and Chorks joined us, so it was the usual altos+2basses thing.

The card games were fun, and so was the version of Murderer Mel tried to teach us. We're really not very good at making small talk and playing psychological games at the same time. Except for Yan. Yan's the sneaky one, hahah.

It's true that psychological games are tough to play with people you've known for ages, 'cause it gets a bit scary that people whom you trust might be the murderer/accomplice. Only a game, but mind games do stuff to your mind.

Worse still, playing with people you know really well means that it's hard to lie and convince each other that someone is/isn't the murderer.

Happy, happy, happy night.

[36]

HAPPY 2009!

[35]

This is a record month of barbecues. I've had two, skipped one, and there's one coming up really soon. At the rate I'm ingesting carcinogens... Bad news.

Barbecue #1: Germaine's.
Pearl and I hung out at her house the entire afternoon watching The Dark Knight. One single movie. Whatever happened to our movie marathon/Supernatural fest?! Next time we've got to be more efficient.
That said, it was rather relaxing. No stress, no hurry, nothing to do except laze on the couch. I really need more of this.
Come to think of it, we forgot to take a photo together.

Barbecue #2: Alumni barbecue.
It was quite fun, especially the Pictionary and sparklers part.
And this part is really short 'cause I don't know what to say. There were some nice sparklers pictures, so I'll share them when they appear on Facebook. Hahah.

Today was a day of miracles, because Donald replied my email and Ernest added me on Facebook. Amazing.

[34]

Batch of 2007's christmas gathering/dinner.


The compulsory group photo.

It was really nice to see people I haven't seen in ages and ages. Though only about half the batch was there, it was pretty successful. Goodness knows how much effort the planners (Jerome, Reuben, Bong, and Brendan, if I'm not wrong) have put in for this. Thank you all!

Everything's kind of different, but still the same. No doubt it's (ahem) wilder than christmas parties from college days. Amazingly we didn't sing... Okay, we tried to. The "Huh carols again?!" sentiment was far too strong so we gave up. Not that I was complaining, hahah.

All of us have changed, at least a little. Army and university lives do affect people somewhat. BUT. There're still lots of little things that I've been seeing since we were still in college that I appreciate a lot more after being to university and NOT seeing this kind of considerate acts there.

Easy camaraderie doesn't come by that often. That night, just sitting to the side, watching friends talk and camwhore and catch up on lives and simply enjoying each other's company was enough to make people feel content.

[33]

Sonnets by Edmund Spenser: (30) from Amoretti

My love is like to ice, and I to fire:
How comes it then that this her cold so great
Is not dissolved through my so hot desire,
But harder grows the more I her entreat?

Or how comes it that my exceeding heat
Is not allayed by her heart-frozen cold,
But that I burn much more in boiling sweat,
And feel my flames augmented manifold?

What more miraculous thing may be told,
That fire, which all things melt, should harden ice,
And ice, which is congeal's with senseless cold,
Should kindle fire by wonderful device?

Such is the power of love in gentle mind,
That it can alter all the course of kind.

And, this just goes to show that love is full of oxymorons, ironies, and what-nots.

[32]

Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night by Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Villanelles are simply amazing. And incredibly difficult to write.

[31]

I am so glad the exams are over. After a week or two of intensive studying, your brain's not really your own anymore, y'know. It kind of belongs to the mugging-alien-spirit realm... which is not a good thing when you're still expected to talk to people and stay coherent, not spout stuff related to opportunity costs/stagflation/mammals/DIBAH/other reagents/bell curve/standard deviation etc.

Final paper: lit. And I lugged all my four texts to school. On the way back I went to the library to stock up on teen-lit-ish "trashy" books, so I was carrying twelve books on the bus. Heavy, but satisfying. I had no idea what to borrow when I stepped into the library. Comes from four months of not borrowing anything other than textbooks. Ugh.

After rehearsal we had this looooong lunch-and-coffee-after thing, and it was totally relaxing. This is what an afternoon with friends ought to feel like; such a nice way to end exam week.

[30]

mug /mahg/ n [C] 1 a large cup with straight sides used for drinking tea, coffee etc. 2 a large glass with straight sides and a handle, used especially for drinking beer: rugby players swilling mugs of beer at the bar 3 also mugful a mug and the liquid inside it: Two mugs of tea, please. 4 BrE spoken someone who is stupid and easy to deceive: I expect they'll find some poor mug to buy their car. 5 spoken a face: What an ugly mug! 6 a mug's game BrE spoken something that is not likely to be successful or profitable: Gambling is a mug's game, Jonah.

mug v mugged, mugging 1 [T] to attack someone and rob them in a public place: A lot of people won't go out alone at night for fear of being mugged. 2 [I] AmE informal to make silly expressions with your face or behave in a silly way, especially in a photograph or a play: Scotty's always mugging for the camera.
mug up phr v [I, T] BrE informal to study something very hard, especially when preparing for an exam: mug sth up He's got to mug up some facts about pollution [+ on] She's mugging up on Racine for her French paper.

mug.ger /'mahgger/ n [C] someone who attacks people and robs them in a public place

mug.ging /'mahgging/ n [C, U] an attack on someone in which they are robbed in a public place: There has been an increase in muggings at the park.

mug.gins /'mahgginz/ n [singular] spoken BrE used jokingly to mean yourself, when you know you have been stupid and let other people treat you unfairly: Everyone disappeared after supper, leaving muggins here to do the washing-up.

mug.gy /'mahggie/ adj muggier, muggiest informal muggy weather is unpleasantly warm and the air seems wet: The air was muggy and damp, threatening a storm later. --mugginess n [U]

Definitions courtesy of Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English.

And here's the definition from an alternative dictionary.

mug v mugged, mugging 1 [T] to study very hard: Students love to mug in the school library. 2 [T] SgpE student colloquial to cram all information from notes and textbooks into one's brains in the hope that they turn out relevant during exams

mug.ger /'mahgger/ n [C] someone who is very diligent and mugs a lot, often staying up entire nights to study

closet mugger /'.. ,../ n [C] someone who mugs a lot but does so in the privacy of his own room so that other people will not find out the extent of his mugging

mug.ging /'mahgging/ n [C, U] a group activity in which muggers gather at a public place, usually a library, to study together: There has been an increase in mugging sessions ever since exam season started.

Mugging sessions are classified into two types: productive and non-productive. They usually start out non-productive, but evolve to become productive as the exam season nears. Non-productive mugging sessions are usually accompanied with relatively high noise levels and a lot of laughter, while hair-clutching and frantic scribbling or highlighting are observed during productive sessions. Productivity has a positive correlation with stress levels, as recent studies have shown, but causative effects have yet to be proven.