[107]

I guess it was a bad week.

"always look on the brightttt sideeee of lifeeeeee"
Ooookay. Thank, T.

Next week WILL be better.

[106]

I FREAKING WANT TO BAIL OUT.

Except that this minor thing called sense of responsibility insists I hang in there and see it through.

[105]

I'm wondering whether eating fudge is like drinking alcohol, because it induces guilt and makes one feel better at the same time. End result = Numb but satisfied.

I'd better sleep before I feel too much remorse. Hahah.

[104]

I suppose it's high time I typed something of substance, before my brain rots into nothingness during the term break. Oh, and also before this blog starts growing virtual mould.

Tuition assignments are flooding in - a result of students getting back exam grades, hurhur. It's quite amusing, since I've been having difficulty finding tuition for the past few weeks. At least now I have income. Yay.

The temptation to jam-pack my calendar with stuff (like say, tuition) is very very very high. Part of it is due to boredom. The other part... I don't know, some spite, maybe? I don't like that everyone's life is more happening than mine, hahah. And I don't want to beg people for company, which really sucks. So fill the schedule up, and ta-dah, problem solved.

Except if the schedule is filled up with stuff that requires long-term committment... no burning out in Year 3, I hope.

All these CCA events are tiring me out a wee bit. Right now the choir music is giving me some trouble (maybe because I've missed quite a few rehearsals due to school, dang), and I'm not seeing the full picture for the other CCAs. Kind of just stumbling through everything until I can hand over or until the event ends.

This is bad, isn't it. Oh well, one thing at a time.

Nowadays I'm so bored that I'm doing uncharacteristic stuff. (E.g. missing my busy days, planning outings. GOSH, planning outings?!) Perhaps when I'm sufficiently busy, I'll get back to normal.

[103]

Isn't this the prettiest thing you ever saw?
(Funny, that sounds like I'm describing a baby or something.)

 Here's the side view.








And the entire pretty plate.

And unfortunately, I cannot stop ogling at it. The Fruit Tart Shop at Orchard Central has great eyecandies (food-wise, hahah).


Today, I...
1. Reaffirmed that I'm not cut out for cooking.
2. Slept. A lot. (Y'know how animals rest in the shade in the afternoon 'cause it's soooo hot, and are only active at dawn/dusk? Same concept.)
3. RAN.
4. Didn't run for very long.
5. Decided I should run more so that I can eat the eyecandies. Hahah.

And the heat is killing me. I shall hunt for air-conditioned hangouts.

Exams over = shiok.

[102]

Every so often, life REALLY unravels into a mess. It wasn't this way before I entered university.

Guess life's simpler when you have fewer responsibilities.

But.

I won't give up just yet. And I shall think of ways to solve all these problems after my exams.

[101]

Dictionary.com has 14 definitions for the noun "love".

Wikipedia talks about impersonal love, interpersonal love, various scientific models, and love in various cultures and religions.

Dorothy Parker says "love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away".

Oliver Wendell Holmes says "love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness".

Mark Twain says "love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired".

Erich Fromm says "love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence".

And from various unknown people:
"Love is a friendship set on fire."
"Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever."

From 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; it is not self-seeking, not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongdoing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves. There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance. In a word, there are three things that last forever: faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of them all is love."

I say love is too abstract for me.

[100]

The 100th post is supposed to be a landmark, but it's been 100 posts of nonsense so it's not much of a landmark. Perhaps the next 100 posts will have more substance. Hahah.

I really can't be bothered to do much about my twenty-first. Hopefully I won't live to regret it.

YAY prata party/bet payoff is on Friday. It'll make the Friday-evening-lecture-before-recess-week a bit more bearable hahahah.

[99]

The new students' lounge at YIH is actually pretty nice. Many red/blue/yellow chairs, which makes it look more like someplace in an ACSian school than in NUS hahah.

It's been a crazy week of assignments, meetings, field trips, etc. If only there's some time to take a breather.

[98]

I think I'd better not mess with my health anymore. Time to start eating proper meals.

Also, my boss called me "pretty woman" and treated me to lunch, so I guess I'd better prepare for having more work to do. Hahahah.

[97]

I went to sleep at 0130h, and jerked awake at 0200h from a nightmare. How ridiculous is that, considering that it hasn't happened for the past... 13 years?

The posts here have been getting fewer and farther between, but there's too much to say, too little time, and too many other things to do.

Excuses, excuses. Hahahah. Or maybe the real reason is that there're too many classified secrets that I don't have the liberty of sharing.

One thing that stood out this week was overhearing negative comments from one CCA about another. I'm involved in both clubs, and I have friends on both sides...

... And now I'm thinking about what I can/cannot say about this issue. Hahah see! Classified secrets.

Oh well, if you want updates, you'll just have to get them from me personally.

Pearl: if/when you see this (think you'll be back in Singapore already), Singapore food/CNY reunion/combined Jan+Feb party! (I was going to propose a date but I realized we all need to compare timetables first.)

[96]

Week 2 of school is over.

Enough stupidity please.

(I think I did more dumb stuff in the past two weeks than in my entire twenty years combined. OMG.)

[95]

If life was a dish, right now I feel like I'm staring at a huge plate of food I have to force down my throat.

[94]

Yay it's the first post of 2010.

I think I'm going a little nuts. But then it's probably a good idea to make use of this time to do things I wouldn't usually do; at least I can attribute it to the lapse in sanity. Hahahah.

Happy new year!

[93]

2009 in retrospective on (still)blackandwhite...

We had an alto dinner on 2 January, and funnily enough, it's almost exactly the same as the most recent one on 28 December. Hahah Yan is still annoyed that there is never a point in time when all eight of us are present and can take a decent alto photo. (I think we gave up on the photos 'cause it's always missing one person. Next year's AEWF perhaps?)

February and March seemed like an awful lot of stress. (All those ahem, CCAs.) Feb/Mar 2010 is probably going to be pretty much the same, maybe worse 'cause of the heavier workload in year 2. No wonder Sav scolded me for joining SOW hurhur.

Or maybe it won't be as bad. I'm doing what I like, I have sufficient authority to um, arrow away what I don't like to do, and I have enough power to suggest/implement ideas for improvement.

But sometimes it feels like I'm doing a lot of stuff by myself 'cause it's just too much trouble to get someone else to do it. It's really quite stupid to email someone else to ask him/her to email various other people, plus it takes a long time. Mostly I don't mind liaising and passing on messages, except when people are bloody rude and show zero courtesy.

Better to be less principled and bother less than to insist on doing things right as much as possible. (New year resolution: be less of a perfectionist? Hurhur.)

In April I got to meet up with a friend I haven't seen/spoken to in about 3 years. Guess it's a sign of growing up that we "buried the hatchet", so to speak. To be honest, it was quite complicated for a while, but seeing that we can actually be cordial to each other and say "hey let's catch up soon"... I think that's quite amazing.

To a certain extent I still can't tell whether we're being genuine or not, bu oh well, I'll take what I can get.

And the ways I used to entertain myself while studying is simply amusing. Hahah.

Life felt off in June 2009; still feels a bit off now. Contentment only surfaces when I'm doing something that doesn't require thinking (i.e. mindless stuff). Ah okay, this one requires more thinking to make sense.

In July I wanted to rewatch Supernatural. Hahah I didn't get around to doing it, but I did get Pearl hooked on it. Here's proof. Yay FINALLY I have company!

And then August to December was one long string of school, projects, exams, CCAs, rehearsals, performances, generally being busy, and ranting to friends.

If your name has appeared on my blog, or you've been referred to (i.e. not named) in my blog, no matter whether you made me :), :D, :(, or !)#!^@*#, thank you for enriching my life so.

I wouldn't say it was a bad year, but I'm sure next year will be better.

Merry Christmas and Happy 2010!

[92]

The year is ending soon. OMG.

What happened to all my plans for the holidays?!

[91]

3 more days, 2 more papers.

Time to start filling in my social calendar!

[90]

My thoughts are disjointed and I can't be bothered to link them, so I shall just leave everything in point form. (Honestly, I'm supposed to be thinking about glycolysis, not blogging.)

1. People form impressions based on their (sometimes limited) interactions with you.

2. People expect you to behave a certain way, based on their impressions of you.

3. These expectations (often) aren't true representations of your personality. Or at least, they aren't complete representations of your personality.

So when you keep behaving the way people expect you to behave, doesn't your sense of self get eroded?

This and this give a rather good idea of what an identity crisis is. (Apparently it's quite normal for adolescents to be confused about their identity, so don't worry, Savvy. Hurhur.)

It suddenly occurred to me that I don't know exactly who I am, or why I'm doing the things I do. Perhaps it's due to an overdose of interaction with people; now I just want some alone time. The past few weeks have been one long stretch of worrying about people and trying to cheer people up and hoping that my actions don't affect others negatively.

There's no such thing as "supposed to be (a certain way)", okay? Everyone has many facets to their personality, and if you can't integrate them all, the least you could do is not to force him/her into your preconceived mould.

And, if you're reading this, don't take it personally.

[89]

You Are a Carnival Mask

You are flirtatious, charming, and seductive. You are both mysterious and alluring. You know how to dance the steps, no matter what the dance is. You always know what the next move should be. You are good at drawing people in but not letting them get too close. You know how to be wanted. You prefer to be understated than over the top. You never want to be seen as trying too hard.

What Halloween Mask Are You?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

All those adjectives above? They fall under the categories of "subtle" and "manipulative". Hurhurhur.

You Should Dress Up As a Cat

You are a shy, reserved person who takes a long time to warm up to others. You are close to those you've known the longest. You are crafty and smart. You may seem like you're lost in your own little world, but you're really paying attention to everything going on around you. You are not easily influenced by the other people in your life. If anything, you counterbalance their emotions well. You are intuitive and have a lot of wisdom to impart. Most people don't pay close enough attention to the lessons you teach them.

What Animal Should You Dress Up As?

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

Now this one is pretty true. "Crafty and smart" equals manipulative!

And yeah, most people don't pay attention when I tell them stuff, e.g. "Prepare less food 'cause people won't eat that much". And then we wind up with excess food.

(But Mr. S@vvy will say that I don't pay close attention to the lessons he teaches too. But that only goes to show that I'm "not easily influenced by the other people in (my) life". Heh.)

You Are Blue

You believe the key to living a good life is simple. Be as honest with yourself and others as possible. You value the truth over everything else. You will remain loyal to those who are honest with you, even if their honesty hurts. Compared to most people, you handle the truth well. You take every event in stride. You are the calm spot in a sea of chaos. You think the solution to most problems is open communication. You wish that people would be more real with each other.

What Color of the Rainbow Are You?

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

Ego-booster.

You Are a Boxer

You are playful and energetic. You bring joy to everyone who crosses your path. You are hyper to the point of being a comedian. Everyone is wondering what you will do next. You energy can get the better of you if you're not careful. You can have a destructive streak when you're bored. You're very strong willed and powerful. You get you way without even trying to.

What Breed of Dog Are You?

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

Only the part about being strong-willed and powerful is true. Hahahahah. The art of intimidation.

[88]

Everyone else may try to talk you out of being emo, but true friends emo with you and go to the ends of the world for you.

Here's proof:

#1
jinghui:; shouldstopemoingandjustgetonwithwork. says:
hahahah okay.
do now!
jiayou!

M.r. S@vvy dun like jeanny says:
u too u too
emo tell me lei
i emo with u
hahah

#2
jinghui:; feels like flinging herself down a long, long flight of stairs. says:
:)

_`pearl ????Ber&??♥ [ZIAL&WENMEL] says:
don't fling yet lah D:
wait for me. we fling together

So I say, excluding family, friends are the best things that exists in the world.
And true friends are those who share crappy bits of their lives with you BECAUSE they love you.