[79]

"Those who don't learn from history are condemned to repeat it."

Thanks ah, Stanley.

Why get others to screw up your life when you can do it perfectly fine by yourself?

Hurhurhur.

[78]

You Give Me Something by James Morrison

You only stay with me in the morning,
You only hold me when I sleep.
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep.
For every piece of me that wants you,
Another piece backs away.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared alright.
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try.
Please give me something,
'Cause someday I might know my heart.

You only waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me.
And I can say I've never bought you flowers;
I can't work out what they mean.
I never thought that I'd love someone;
That was someone else's dream.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared alright.
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try.
Please give me something,
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart.

But it might be a second too late,
And the words that I could never say
Are gonna come out anyway.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared alright.
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try.
Please give me something,
'Cause someday I might know my heart.

I heard this on Class 95 fm one night when I was trying to do work. Rather nice lyrics, don't you think.

[77]

For the first time in my life, I think guys are complicated creatures. Or at least, they're not as simple as they seem.

Okay, "my life" lasts only twenty years so far, but still.

[76]

Hook, line, and sinker.

Die.

[75]

Well. It's been a long time since I did this kind of thing. So I figured I might as well.

You Are Apple Red

You're never one to take life too seriously, and because of it, you're a ton of fun. And although you have a great sense of humor, you are never superficial. Deep and caring, you do like to get to the core of people - to understand them well. However, any probing you do is light hearted and fun, sometimes causing people to misjudge you.

What Color Red Are You?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

You Are Iris

You are the perfect blend of entertainment and wisdom. You make people think about themselves and their place in the world. Although you make people think, at least they'll have fun doing it. You're like a laughter therapist. You are a very enriching and entertaining friend.

What Color Purple Are You?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you. Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show. People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate. But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

What Color Green Are You?

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

You Are Ocean Blue

You're both warm and practical. You're very driven, but you're also very well rounded. You tend to see both sides to every issue, and people consider you a natural diplomat.

What Color Blue Are You?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

You Are Cameo

You are understanding and very empathetic. It's easy for you to see where people are coming from. You find so much joy from other people. You're a social butterfly, and you wouldn't live any other way. You don't tend to have acquaintances. Everyone is your friend. And all of your friends tend to be friends. You have a knack for bringing very different people together.

What Color Orange Are You?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

You Are Blue

You are a philosophical and often inspired person. You are the master of ideas. You are open to many points of view. You believe that it's important to communicate and not judge. You have a worldly perspective, and you're always looking to broaden it. You are a true people person, but you also value your solitude and personal space.

What Primary Color Are You?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

You Like Names That Are Cutting Edge and Exotic

You love creative names and names from foreign cultures. You believe names should be expressive and interesting. You like names that are unusual, striking, and powerful. You couldn't imagine naming your child or pet anything "normal." Some female names you might like: Amaya, Celestine, Danessa, Fawn, Kenya, Monet, Serenity, and Tia Some male names you might like: Drake, Flint, Harley, Kendrick, Pascal, Romeo, and Timber

What Kind of Names Do You Like?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

You Are Chirping Birds

You are a very caring person. You especially feel for innocent beings, like animals and children. You are keyed in to the world and very peaceful. You believe that everyone is connected. You remain focused and in the moment. You are not easily distracted. You have a good memory, especially for things that you hear. You listen carefully.

What Part of Spring Are You?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

[74]

I realize that what the doctor said about using people and valuing things instead of valuing people and using things is true.

It's a pity that people do that, but I don't have to stoop to their level.

I just need to:
1. Stop letting it get to me.
2. Stop being so trusting.
3. Stop being stupid and learn my lesson(s).

[73]

I'm sick of being nice.

Being nice = people use you and chuck you aside and then pretend that nothing ever happened.

Being nice = they still pretend to be your friend, where friend is defined as someone you look for when you need him/her to do something for you.

Being nice = you still have to pretend to be their friend, where friend is defined as someone who takes all their shit when they need people to do so.

Being nice = smiling and saying hi even though all you want to do is to run far far away, 'cause seeing the "friend" makes you feel nauseous.

Being nice = taking the blame even when it's not your fault. Or allowing others to verbally abuse you through mere insinuation, and not doing anything about it (e.g. hurling vulgarities at them).

I WILL STOP INVESTING SO MUCH IN MY FRIENDSHIPS/WORK/WHATEVER. Bloody hell.

Being nice once leads to appreciation. Twice, people take it for granted. Thrice, and people start to expect it.

Alright I'm just in one of those moods. I shall go and sleep it off and hide at home for a day.

[72]

There're more and more and more projects/activities/exams/tests, but I realize that I haven't felt this happy in ages. Somehow there's this sense of purpose, like I know I'm going to sort out all the mess and come out fine. Which is a good thing, I suppose. Sometimes we have to lose in order to gain.

I think the loss was worthwhile.

Now that recess week is coming, I wanna make plans! Yay!

[71]

This entry is going to be made up of unrelated sentences.

I cannot believe I feel guilty about doing nothing when I don't have an obligation to do anything in the first place.

Jiacheng said that we all already know the answer; in asking for a second opinion, we're just seeking reaffirmation. Which I thought was hmm, quite true.

It'd be nice if people remembered, not just in times of need.

In taking up activity after activity, I don't know if I'm doing it out of passion, or simply looking for a place where I feel like I belong.

[70]

All these people who only come to me when they need me for one thing or another...

I'm very tempted to do a major spring cleaning.

Except that I don't have the heart to turn people away. Hmmm.

(I hate it that every fortnight my life unravels into a mess and I have to try to straighten stuff out again.)

[69]

My tan from all the orientation camps and various trips to Sentosa is fading.
I'm getting used to sleeping about 4 hours every night, on top of power naps wherever and whenever.
My handwriting is getting messier, mostly because I've been doing the writing in the wee hours.
And it's only week 4.

That said, I wouldn't trade my life for anything else, even if it can get rather insane.
I think I'm a sucker for punishment.

Even Fadz agrees that year 2 seems to be extra happening.
My hypothesis is that hair length is directly proportional to amount of fun a person has, but maybe that's just me. Hahah.

Before the semester started, I thought I'd be okay with doing stuff alone. It's not that this whole 'alone' thing bothers me a lot; I just find that increasingly, I hate being by myself. It gives me too much time to think. (Worst of all, I can't stand mugging alone in school. Now I need to find a new hangout.)

Having some time to think and reflect is good. Having too many pockets of time to let my thoughts run wild isn't.

The incessant pondering does make my mind a lot clearer. I like that it kind of helps me to sort out my life a bit, except that the clarity can get scary sometimes. Imagine if every action you make and every word you say is calculated, deliberate.

(Dang. Life is supposed to be spontaneous and fun.)

Okay, this brings me to my next point. 'Cause I have so much time for my thoughts/plans/whatevers, there'll inevitably be expectations. I know things don't always go the way we want them to, but that doesn't stop us from hoping that they do, right?

So when expectations fall short, disappointment comes to play. And play with everything, they do.

I hate setting myself up for disappointment time and again, but like I said earlier, I'm a sucker for punishment. Vicious cycle huh. Strange that I never really learn from my mistakes. That, or I have too much faith in people. (Whatever happened to my natural wariness?)

First on this week's to-do list: Realize (and remember) that there'll always be an incongruency between expectations and reality.

The following is kind of random. It's just... aiyah. I'm entertaining myself okay. So just bear with me. Hurhur.

Demure [di-myoor] adj 1. A word meaning quiet, serious, and always behaving well, used especially about women in former times. 2. Characterized by shyness and modesty; reserved. 3. Affectedly or coyly decorous, sober, or sedate.

*Affected [uh-fek-tid] adj 1. Not sincere or natural. 2. Assumed or simulated to impress others. 3. Speaking or behaving in an artificial way to make an impression.

*Coy [koi] adj 1. Pretending to be shy in order to attract interest, or to avoid dealing with something difficult. 2. Unwilling to give information about something. 3. Artfully or affectedly shy or reserved; slyly hesitant; coquettish. 4. Shy; modest. 5. Tending to avoid people and social situations; reserved.

*Decorous [dek-er-uhs] adj formal 1. Having the correct appearance or behaviour for a particular occasion. 2. Characterized by dignified propriety in conduct, manners, appearance, character, etc. 3. Characterized by or exhibiting decorum; proper.

*Sedate [si-deyt] adj 1. Peaceful, ordinary, and not very exciting. 2. Calm, quiet, or composed; undisturbed by passion or excitement. 3. Serenely deliberate, composed, and dignified in character or manner.

*Coquette [koh-ket] n literary 1. A woman who frequently tries to attract the attention of men without having sincere feelings for them; flirt. 2. A woman who flirts lightheartedly with men to win their admiration and affection.

All *-ed words are just to clarify certain words in the definition(s) of the first word.

The next two are dedicated to Germ Foong.

Motherly [muhth-er-lee] adj 1. Similar to or typical of a good mother.

Maternal [muh-tur-nl] adj 1. Typical of the way a good mother behaves or feels. 2. Of, pertaining to, having the qualities of, or befitting a mother.

Whatever it is, if you've used one or more of the above words on me, look at the following word. Then you'll find that you've been wrong all along. Hahahah.

Subtle [suht-l] adj 1. Not easy to notice or understand unless you pay careful attention. 2. Someone who is subtle uses indirect methods to hide what they really want or intend to do. 3. Cunning, wily, or crafty; devious.